Editor’s Note: Ask The Fiddler is a lifestyle advice column that aims to remedy more chaos and confusion than it creates. Questions may be submitted to us here at Art of the Prank, and good luck.
Dear Fiddler:
Much as I appreciate a holiday in honor of Columbus, I”™ve seen reports that he may be getting undeserved credit. So, who discovered America?
Annie in Montpelier
Dear Annie:
This is a subject steeped in considerable controversy.
There are those who contend that the real problem is, the whole thing is taught back-asswards. The truth of the matter is, as these contrarians see it, Native Americans discovered Europe. We”™ll delve deeper into that matter in a bit, but first let”™s have a look at some other contenders for the exploit attributed to Columbus.
It might be worth noting that boats without motors can be unpredictable vehicles. Over the vast expanse of human time, wouldn”™t you suspect that a great many drifiting boats from afar inadvertently “discovered” America?
Further, there is the factor that might be called the macho double-dare. “Buddy, I”™ll bet you ten conch shells and a bucket of whale blubber the world ain”™t flat.” How many reckless young sailors set off to see what lay beyond the horizon?
And we can”™t discount greed, the search for riches.
Lastly there is the incentive provided by barbaric hordes coming over the hill. How often in the violent history of mankind was it time to pack your shit and git, possibly sailing off for parts unknown?
The thing is, dang near everybody discovered America. A bit of research will reveal that, whatever your heritage, you can probably make a claim of relatedness to a discoverer of America. Continue reading “Ask The Fiddler #12: Everybody Discovered America!”
I”™ll have to admit, Vera, I”™m kind of into alternative health stuff. If Deepak Chopra or Dr. Oz say “try it,” sign me up. But, honestly, if Dr. Oz announced that his next segment was going to be on the health benefits of drinking piss, I”™m pretty sure I”™d flip over and watch some more Cops re-runs.
A dog that paints pictures? Come on. It takes forever to get a mutt to sit, or quit chewing pillows, or keep its nose out of interesting roadside crap. Who could possibly believe dogs have artistic capabilities?
It has been suggested that weight loss may be due to aversion, that is to say, dieters would rather starve than eat roadkill. True, there seem to be legitimate concerns about the safety of eating animals found dead on the road. However, Garfield states: “If you aren”™t immediately sickened by the odor, odds are it”™s safe to eat.” 