Ask The Fiddler #4: Shipping Question

Filed under: Satire

fiddler-75Editor’s Note: Ask The Fiddler is a lifestyle advice column that aims to remedy more chaos and confusion than it creates. Questions may be submitted to us here at Art of the Prank, and good luck.

Dear Fiddler:

I have been away from home for a few months and I think it would be a real hoot to ship myself back in a crate marked “lawn furniture.” Will that be expensive?

Ronda in California

Dear Ronda,

It depends on the judge, or, worst case, on whether you plan a luxury funeral. You”™re talking criminal charges or possibly death. Consider the case of Charles McKinley. He shipped himself from New Jersey to Texas and was detected at his destination, resulting in a year”™s probation plus a $1500 fine.

Experts say a prank like this one could kill you. Due to rough handling and several other factors, there is some likelihood of arriving dead.

box-200On the other hand, there was a case a few years later where a prisoner in a German jail successfully shipped himself outside the walls and, as of the report we found, escaped. But his was a very short trip, he apparently had pals waiting outside.

One thing for sure, unless you are a tiny person you will have to use a private shipper. The USPS limits weight to 70 lbs. Costs depend on distance. I hate to be a spoil sport but, since the project is illegal and dangerous, it might be wise just to panhandle some bucks for a bus ticket.

Yours truly,

The Fiddler

Remember our motto here at camp: “If you take advice from The Fiddler, you need advice.” Send comments and questions to: Art of the Prank.


The Fiddler is a creation of W.J. Elvin III