Author: Kate McCamy

Exclusive for ArtofthePrank.com! Paris Hilton’s Prison Diary!
Day whatev…

Dear Diary,

So had to get to Hawaii to get my base tan back. Of course after getting my roots touched up, OMG 23 days in jail and you can totally go to the dogs! But I did learn a few things and that is pretty hot, you know to take the bad and make lemonade out of it and not have it be too sour, you know? Just sweet enough? With a straw and all?

One is that jail is a weight loss program where you can eat whatever crap they give you and still lose those unwanted three pounds. And it”s much better than rehab cos rehab makes you look like a druggie. And jail can be a good career move like Martha Stewart and all. That there is a God because there”s gonna be a Spice Girls reunion and that bible reading stuff really makes you more sympathetic and lessens your sentence. And from now on I”m just gonna follow all the laws. And I miss my new vent girlfriends, really I do and I want to help them not be there anymore so I”m gonna some how open a home for them somewhere, and it will be nice and have curtains and stuff. See I do have a big heart and am sincere!

I also learned that the judicial system is pretty fucked up if they pump up my sentence then let me have privileges that no other inmate has. I mean isn”t that what they call oxymoronic? But thank God I got out in time for the Victoria Secret bathing suit sale! I may be super rich but I like a bargain too, especially now that I”m more real and stuff.

Exclusive for ArtofthePrank.com! Paris Hilton’s Prison Diary!
Days 19 – 23

Dear Diary,

Day 19
So I finally read about my case, OMG I really shouldn”t have been driving. Elliot so should have told me, well louder than he did cos wow, you are so not allowed to drive if your license is suspended, unless it”s for work and all. As my friend Brittany would say, “OOOPs I did again”¦” So like I read a little more, you know? And there are sooo many laws out there I”m surprised that everyone isn”t in jail right now. I mean like EVERYBODY, cos it”s like impossible not to be breaking some kinda law somewhere, even Ghandi or that other guy who isn”t dead, the Lama guy? I bet ya even he has broken some kinda law. And I know most of the Bush administration has broken laws that”s for sure. So like if the guys in charge of making sure that the laws are followed aren”t even doing it, like why should I? It”s really not fair. Maybe Nicky and I can start another charity about making the world a fairer place. I mean if we were really all equal wouldn”t that be great? Well except for Juanita who cleans the house, sorry honey. Oh and Pedro the pool Guy and Elliot, even tho he thinks he”s equal, but dream on fuckwad!

Ok so I”ve heard that there is some irony of me being in jail. I thought Irony was when you eat spinach and it”s good for you cos it has iron and shit in it, but you get it stuck in your teeth and that looks like ass then that is irony.

Day 20
Now I can”t get paid for an interview!!? I am so PO”ed. I mean what? How am I supposed to cash in like OJ! Continue reading “Paris: “I’ve changed. No, really.””

Exclusive for ArtofthePrank.com! Paris Hilton’s Prison Diary!
Day 18

Dear Diary,

OMG I just don’t know who to give my post prison interview to! It’s a bidding war out there. I’ll make million easy from just one lousy interview. You know this jailbird thing is really paying off. Then there’s the book and the movie. Eliot was right, this is a good career move. Just like when Elvis died. Oh and I lost weight! I was feeling fat so I stopped eating and like over night lost the fat. The food here pretty much sucks ass. Sometimes they let me order in, but not if it gets me fat. I am so psyched to get out of the slammer, I’m counting the days, cos I can now, just a few left. IF I get out for good behavior. Which I have been very good. No partying, or hanky panky, I mean with who? Definately not with the BDB guard!! She told me I need to gain weight! What is wrong with her?? It’s really weird you know? I have never been so alone and by myself, this is like the biggest time out ever. And I have been thinking, I mean really rolling a few things around in my head, so that should make that prick of a judge happy. It’s like having to focus, for a while on one thing so it really sinks in. I can’t wait to see my dogs, I forgot about them and now I miss Tinkerbell 3 or is it 4?

Exclusive for ArtofthePrank.com! Paris Hilton’s Prison Diary!
Day 16 & 17

Dear Diary,

Day 16
Ok so like they have found jewelry from a real real long time ago, like a hundred thousand years ago, like way back when the human race was just beginning there were baubles and stuff. I think that is sooo cool cos that proves that the superficiality that I”m accused of has been going on for one hundred thousand years, so like way before me, OK? I know that the dumb act is old after 25, and I”m working on it, which is why I”m paying attention and all, like how I found about the old beads and I connected the dots and all. I read it in the Media, you got that? The “Feral Media”, so it isn”t all bad if you can actually learn something, right? I think the press is bad when they tell lies because that”s not fair to us the readers cos how will we know? I mean when I lie I know it, and same with other people like the vice president, you can see it in their eyes, but when you READ it and it”s a lie, you can”t see the writer”s eyes. So it”s, you know, complicated, so no more “manipulation of the truth” OK? Promise? Wouldn”t that be great if I could use my fame to stop the world from lying?

Day 17
Nicky has raised some money for her pretty prison charity. Well enough to get some antimacassars for the rec room sofa and some vases that can be bolted down so there are fresh cut flowers. Seems everything has to be bolted down here cos some of the girls here have anger management issues. There is this one girl, I swear she has no teeth, so not hot. I guess roses are out cos they have bitey thorns, maybe some daisies? They are probably safe. Continue reading “Paris ponders”

Exclusive for ArtofthePrank.com! Paris Hilton’s Prison Diary!
Day 14 & 15

Dear Diary,

Day 14
I mean just because I”m rich and famous and people look up to me doesn”t mean I HAVE to be a role model! I mean GOD! Why can”t they just let me go? I promise I won”t tell. I”m way out of my comfort zone right now. This guy, Bill who is like this synchronicity expert or something, said that God has a design and that everything happens for a reason. Well, if there is a God, I wouldn”t be here in the Lynwood correctional facility! Personally I think it”s just an energy force that we create ourselves and what we put out comes back and I guess I must”ve pissed some one off because they put me in here! Who ever you are, thanks a fucking lot! From now on you are spam to me!

Day 15
I feel terrible, my little sister Nicky is so freaked. Totally freaking out. She is really really sad about me being here, and can”t handle it cos it”s like being in the movies because of the jumpsuit and glass wall. And even I can”t pull off this much orange. But she had the coolest idea, because jails are sooo bad and oogy that they really need some funding to make them better so she is inspired to start a charity to make jails nicer. So I feel better about this whole stupid thing now. Maybe that synchronicity guy was right. There is a reason for everything. But I”m really really pissed off about missing Barbara”s unveiling of her start on the Hollywood walk of fame. That totally sucks ass. I can”t believe I couldn”t get out just for that, I mean how many times does that happen, huh? Like NEVER for you losers!