Paris ponders

Filed under: Satire

Exclusive for! Paris Hilton’s Prison Diary!
Day 16 & 17

Dear Diary,

The Thinker by RodinDay 16
Ok so like they have found jewelry from a real real long time ago, like a hundred thousand years ago, like way back when the human race was just beginning there were baubles and stuff. I think that is sooo cool cos that proves that the superficiality that I”™m accused of has been going on for one hundred thousand years, so like way before me, OK? I know that the dumb act is old after 25, and I”™m working on it, which is why I”™m paying attention and all, like how I found about the old beads and I connected the dots and all. I read it in the Media, you got that? The “Feral Media”, so it isn”™t all bad if you can actually learn something, right? I think the press is bad when they tell lies because that”™s not fair to us the readers cos how will we know? I mean when I lie I know it, and same with other people like the vice president, you can see it in their eyes, but when you READ it and it”™s a lie, you can”™t see the writer”™s eyes. So it”™s, you know, complicated, so no more “manipulation of the truth” OK? Promise? Wouldn”™t that be great if I could use my fame to stop the world from lying?

Day 17
Nicky has raised some money for her pretty prison charity. Well enough to get some antimacassars for the rec room sofa and some vases that can be bolted down so there are fresh cut flowers. Seems everything has to be bolted down here cos some of the girls here have anger management issues. There is this one girl, I swear she has no teeth, so not hot. I guess roses are out cos they have bitey thorns, maybe some daisies? They are probably safe. Life is sooo weird you know? I mean one day I was all worried about what Page Six was saying about me and the sex video showing up on the internet AGAIN and if Brad was ever gonna call, and now I”™m thinking about what flowers could be turned into weapons of mass destruction and how to bolt a vase to a metal table without it leaking. I think something rubber that went before the nut thing, or is that the bolt? I forget, whatever. See? Weird. I think I gained three pounds which really grinds me cos I already look fat in orange!