Author: Ask The Fiddler

The Fiddler is a psychic journalist specializing in intuitive news reports that have, on rare occasions, coincided with real world events. He is perhaps best known, though not particularly well, for his translations of Icelandic runes into Hebrew. In his spare time he has assembled a stunning gallery of natural geologic images resembling the face of Richard Nixon in profile. As to his qualifications as a lifestyle advisor, he has counseled a number of troubled celebrities. Most are currently in rehab. In the words of one client: \"If you take advice from The Fiddler, you need advice.\"
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Ask The Fiddler #22: Costly Cures for Imaginary Illnesses

fiddler-75Editor’s Note: Ask The Fiddler is a lifestyle advice column that aims to remedy more chaos and confusion than it creates. Questions may be submitted to us here at Art of the Prank, and good luck.

Dear Fiddler,

I have a headache that starts in my toes, I”m allergic to my allergy meds, and my boomerang won”t come back. What remedy do you suggest?

Barry in D.C.

Dear Barry,

Obviously you need a hearty dose of that legendary scourge of internal corruption, Dr. Fiddler”s Electro-Cleanse Elixir, completely recyclable and manufactured under strict sanitary conditions when circumstances permit, available at the side door at the conclusion of this essay. Two dollars for the bottle.

stethescopeOn the other hand, you could undoubtedly improve your condition if you would quit watching TV medical ads and cease asking the Internet for a diagnosis.

Those ads and questionable posts can be hazardous to your health. Experts say “exposure to advertising that sells a fantasy of flawless health, perfect skin, clockwork bowels, extended youth and perpetual cheerfulness in the face of disappointment, aging, money woes” “¦ “can create expectations and perceived needs that lead to unnecessary and expensive drug consumption.”

Of course the drug companies argue that their ads are educational. The U.S. and New Zealand are the only countries where drug companies can advertise directly to consumers. It is estimated that every ad dollar spent by Big Pharma yields a four dollar boost in sales of prescription drugs. Continue reading “Ask The Fiddler #22: Costly Cures for Imaginary Illnesses”

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Fiddle File #10

fiddler-75Editor’s Note: Ask The Fiddler is a lifestyle advice column that aims to remedy more chaos and confusion than it creates. Questions may be submitted to us here at Art of the Prank, and good luck.

The Fiddle File #10

Here we go with another madcap roundup of hoaxes, scams and damn fool idiocy making the rounds these days. Take heed. Some of these fiddles may soon be showing up on your computer, phone or even up close and personal. Check it out:

Kentucky & Etc: Take it off? You got a gig serving burgers and fries. Now the restaurant manager is ordering you to submit to a strip-search. Here”s the history of a very bizarre hoax, pulled time and again.

FaceBook: What makes you click? Here are some hoax headlines that have steered the curious into a marketing scam: Huge plane crashes into bridge? – Terrible roller coaster accident! – 99% Can’t Watch More Than 15 Seconds – Half Girl Half Snake! – Terrible accident with pencil! – HUGE pimple explodes – Shark eats living man! – Spider lives under skin!

plane-crashes-bridge

FaceBook, email: Here”s another example of the “What makes you click?” hoax. Continue reading “Fiddle File #10”

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Ask The Fiddler #21: Ducking the Political Wrecking Ball

fiddler-75Editor’s Note: Ask The Fiddler is a lifestyle advice column that aims to remedy more chaos and confusion than it creates. Questions may be submitted to us here at Art of the Prank, and good luck.

Dear Fiddler,

Media vultures are trying to make a meal of my political career. What should I do?

Chris in New Jersey

Dear Chris,

You are suffering from an attack of opposition research.

nixon-virusOpposition researchers know that human behavior often involves patterns. Meaning, if you did it once, there are probably other instances. So, they are digging.

You are in deep scat. As a former hard-charging anti-corruption prosecuting attorney who won convictions or guilty pleas from 130 public officials, you probably know that.

Opposition research does far more damage than is generally reported, whether it takes the form of anonymous whispers or professionally prepared dossiers. Its dynamics usually only come to light through insider revelations. Why so? Because reporters don”t want to admit that their earth-shaking stories were the result not of their own brilliance but of spoon-fed, un-sourced tips.

It used to be a shady, hush-hush, backroom activity that few admitted to. But today there are fancy firms devoted to opposition research, three-piece suits strutting down K Street with briefcases full of DUI reports and divorce records. For the amateur, there are handbooks and seminars led by private investigators.

What the diggers are looking for, as you well know, is further examples of dirty tricks.

Continue reading “Ask The Fiddler #21: Ducking the Political Wrecking Ball”

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Ask The Fiddler #20: Fly Me to the Moon

fiddler-75Editor’s Note: Ask The Fiddler is a lifestyle advice column that aims to remedy more chaos and confusion than it creates. Questions may be submitted to us here at Art of the Prank, and good luck.

Dear Fiddler,

I”m anxious to find a little peace and quiet someplace but my options are somewhat limited due to past actions. Any suggestions?

Edward (location redacted)

Dear Edward,

The man to see is Dennis Hope. He owns the Moon. He”s also president of the Galactic Government, which represents landowners on the Moon and other extraterrestrial properties.

moonAs you might imagine, there are those who say Hope is full of green cheese. There are a number of other claimants and competitors. Such as, the major nations of the world. For an overview of various national and international laws and treaties relating to the Moon, check out the United Nations Office for Outer Space Affairs.

You”d probably get a nice welcome from a group of artists who have established “The Republic of the Moon.” But for the moment they don”t appear to be colonizing, just offering exhibits, performances, workshops and other events.

Another very active group is the Luna Society, which carries on important projects such as naming a crater after Michael Jackson – whom they identify as having owned property on the moon. The Society is focused on development of Moon resources. There is a lot of titanium up there, an expensive ore due to extraction difficulties.

Continue reading “Ask The Fiddler #20: Fly Me to the Moon”

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Fiddle File #9

fiddler-75Editor’s Note: Ask The Fiddler is a lifestyle advice column that aims to remedy more chaos and confusion than it creates. Questions may be submitted to us here at Art of the Prank, and good luck.

The Fiddle File #9

Here we go with another madcap roundup of hoaxes, scams and damn fool idiocy making the rounds these days. Take heed. Some of these fiddles may soon be showing up on your computer, phone or even up close and personal. Check it out:

superstarEverywhere: Got what it takes to be a supermodel? There are plenty of sharks out there to assure you of that, all you need is some up front money. Article is from a Canadian perspective but the advice is universal.

Cleveland: The nice stranger will give you half the proceeds if you let him cash a check using your debit card. Sounds like an easy way to pocket some loot. And it is, for the scammer.

Staten Island: Ah, for a good night”s rest. WTF, the bed”s on fire. And your “prankster” roomy is facing a handful of charges.

Baltimore: Looking to make a few extra bucks? Become a hoaxer bounty hunter. Coast Guard offers $2000 for the right info on this trouble-maker.

FaceBook: What are friends for? Overseas con artists think they”re for exploiting through impostor accounts set up using your info.

Continue reading “Fiddle File #9”

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