Ask The Fiddler - The Art of the Prank

September 8, 2013December 15, 2023

The Fiddle File: Scam Report

fiddler-75 Editor’s Note: Ask The Fiddler is a lifestyle advice column that aims to remedy more chaos and confusion than it creates. Questions may be submitted to us here at Art of the Prank, and good luck.

The Fiddle File

Here”s our latest survey of activity in the scamming industry, a thriving segment of the economy in these troubled times:

scream-197 South Dakota: The computer security expert on the phone needs remote access to fix your computer. This one also reported from several other states.

Missouri: Victims of a tragedy need your donation.

California: You”ve placed an illegal order on-line. Send in your fine or face jail.

Illinois: In order to complete delivery, click here (a program then sucks up personal info from your computer)

Vermont: Your debit card is locked, give us needed info to have it released.

New York: We have your son and he will die if you don”t pay up now.

Georgia: Hey, you”ve got a flat (courtesy of the Good Samaritan who says he”ll fix it for you)

Everywhere: Pick up a few extra bucks and help your local pharmacist scam Medicaid

Remember our motto here at camp: “If you take advice from The Fiddler, you need advice.” Send comments and questions to: Art of the Prank.

image: excerpt of The Scream by Edvard Munch

The Fiddler is a creation of W.J. Elvin III

September 7, 2013December 15, 2023

Ask The Fiddler #4: Shipping Question

Dear Fiddler:

I have been away from home for a few months and I think it would be a real hoot to ship myself back in a crate marked “lawn furniture.” Will that be expensive?

Ronda in California

Dear Ronda,

It depends on the judge, or, worst case, on whether you plan a luxury funeral. You”re talking criminal charges or possibly death. Consider the case of Charles McKinley. He shipped himself from New Jersey to Texas and was detected at his destination, resulting in a year”s probation plus a $1500 fine.

Experts say a prank like this one could kill you. Due to rough handling and several other factors, there is some likelihood of arriving dead.

box-200 On the other hand, there was a case a few years later where a prisoner in a German jail successfully shipped himself outside the walls and, as of the report we found, escaped. But his was a very short trip, he apparently had pals waiting outside.

One thing for sure, unless you are a tiny person you will have to use a private shipper. The USPS limits weight to 70 lbs. Costs depend on distance. I hate to be a spoil sport but, since the project is illegal and dangerous, it might be wise just to panhandle some bucks for a bus ticket.

Yours truly,

The Fiddler

Remember our motto here at camp: “If you take advice from The Fiddler, you need advice.” Send comments and questions to: Art of the Prank.

image: news.bbc.co.uk

The Fiddler is a creation of W.J. Elvin III

September 7, 2013December 15, 2023

Ask The Fiddler #3: Another Space Alien in the White House?

Dear Fiddler:

Can we expect to see another space alien in the White House as a result of the forthcoming presidential election?

Randy in Utah.

Dear Randy:

Your question suggests a belief that there has already been a genuine space alien occupant and of course a study of the speech patterns and manners of the younger Bush supports that thesis.

aliens9 There is also photographic evidence of endorsement of both younger Bush and Bill Clinton by visitors from “out there.”

In the campaign for the last GOP nomination, Mitt Romney referred to Newt Gingrich as “Newt Skywalker,” perhaps he knew something. But Newt is not likely to try again.

My bet at the moment would be Hillary Clinton. She says that early in life she wanted to travel in space. That might be it, a serious clue. The lady is homesick. She says that at a tender age she wrote to NASA asking the qualifications for astronaut. At the time, she was told, “No women allowed.”

Well, let them try to stop her once she”s president.

As things stand, the field is still open, we”ll keep you posted.

Yours truly,

The Fiddler

Remember our motto here at camp: “If you take advice from The Fiddler, you need advice.” Send comments and questions to: Art of the Prank.

image: astro.wsu.edu

The Fiddler is a creation of W.J. Elvin III

September 2, 2013December 15, 2023

Ask The Fiddler #2: Bird Watching in Afghanistan

fiddler Editor’s Note: We often receive questions on a variety of prank-hoax-scam related topics. Readers want an assessment of the validity of news reports or web site information, or they suspect a received email is a scam. Some are looking for moral or immoral support for their prank ideas. So, we are pleased to provide a new service, Ask The Fiddler, a lifestyle advice column that may remedy more chaos and confusion than it creates. Questions may be submitted to us here at Art of the Prank, and good luck.

Dear Fiddler:

Now that the U.S. mission is accomplished and all is peaceful in Afghanistan, my friend and I want to head over there to do some bird-watching. Do you have any suggestions to make our trip more enjoyable?

Phil in Pennsylvania.

Dear Phil,

An intriguing choice of destination. As it turns out, the Afghans have a similar hobby. It”s called drone-watching.

You may want to do just a tad more research regarding your notion that the U.S. is leaving under tranquil conditions. Let”s say for the sake of tourism risk analysis that a range of one to ten starts at 1) “a picnic,” and concludes at 10) “you must be nuts.” Afghanistan is an 11.

Ask The Fiddler #1: Read My Hips

Editor’s Note: We often receive questions on a variety of prank-hoax-scam related topics. Readers want an assessment of the validity of news reports or web site information, or they suspect a received email is a scam. Some are looking for moral or immoral support for their prank ideas. So, we are pleased to announce a new service, Ask The Fiddler, a lifestyle advice column that may remedy more chaos and confusion than it creates. Questions may be submitted to us here at Art of the Prank, and good luck.

Dear The Fiddler:

I”m going for a job interview and, in this troubled economy, there”s bound to be lots of competition. Can you suggest any body language that might boost my chances?

Chris in Connecticut

Dear Chris:

How about the headstand, could be a hit, depending on what you”re wearing under your kilt. You bring up an interesting topic. Thing is, there”s some suggestion that body language is bunk. However, if your interviewer (prospective employer or, say, a cop) is a true believer, what does it matter if it”s bunk?

Certainly the advocates have created a big industry, lots of books and seminars.

In your case, how to handle an interview, my always-handy copy of “Body Language For Dummies” suggests that you “Visualize unzipping your torso and freeing the nervous butterflies in your stomach.” That should make an impression. Continue reading “Ask The Fiddler #1: Read My Hips”