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Ask The Fiddler #11: This Health Tonic is a Real Pisser

Filed under: Satire

fiddler-75Editor’s Note: Ask The Fiddler is a lifestyle advice column that aims to remedy more chaos and confusion than it creates. Questions may be submitted to us here at Art of the Prank, and good luck.

Dear Fiddler:

I”™ve been reading about the health benefits of ingesting pee. The reports are mixed. What”™s your analysis?

Vera in Pascagoula

Dear Vera:

You”™re probably sitting there wondering what ingestion of urine has to do with flying reindeer. Well, we will get to that. But first let”™s look at the pros and cons.

flying_reindeer-200I”™ll have to admit, Vera, I”™m kind of into alternative health stuff. If Deepak Chopra or Dr. Oz say “try it,” sign me up. But, honestly, if Dr. Oz announced that his next segment was going to be on the health benefits of drinking piss, I”™m pretty sure I”™d flip over and watch some more Cops re-runs.

The way I figure it, Mother Nature spent a hell of a long time designing a remarkable creature so efficient that it can dominate and wreck a perfectly good planet. Of course I”™m talking about us, human beings. And that design doesn”™t consider urine a keeper. We”™re engineered to get rid of the stuff, when ya gotta go ya gotta go. (more…)