Author: Ask The Fiddler

The Fiddler is a psychic journalist specializing in intuitive news reports that have, on rare occasions, coincided with real world events. He is perhaps best known, though not particularly well, for his translations of Icelandic runes into Hebrew. In his spare time he has assembled a stunning gallery of natural geologic images resembling the face of Richard Nixon in profile. As to his qualifications as a lifestyle advisor, he has counseled a number of troubled celebrities. Most are currently in rehab. In the words of one client: \"If you take advice from The Fiddler, you need advice.\"
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The Fiddle File #7

fiddler-75Editor’s Note: Ask The Fiddler is a lifestyle advice column that aims to remedy more chaos and confusion than it creates. Questions may be submitted to us here at Art of the Prank, and good luck.

The Fiddle File #7

Here we go with another madcap roundup of hoaxes, scams and damn fool idiocy making the rounds these days. Take heed. Some of these fiddles may soon be showing up on your computer, phone or even up close and personal. Check it out:

Washington State: I read the news today, oh boy. Fake article posted about son”™s alleged suicide.

China: Do these eggs taste kind of funny to you? I mean, not funny ha-ha, funny yuck.

Vancouver BC: The on-line date you haven”™t met yet has hit you up for $500,000 in loans. Talk about screwed without a kiss.

Washington DC: Sorry to hear you slipped on a banana peel. By the way, that”™s a felony.

Watch the video

Louisiana: You jokingly yell to your sleeping friend that the car is on fire and about to explode. His panic reaction leads to a near-death experience.

Continue reading “The Fiddle File #7”

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Ask The Fiddler #15: Which Way Is Up?

fiddler-75Editor’s Note: Ask The Fiddler is a lifestyle advice column that aims to remedy more chaos and confusion than it creates. Questions may be submitted to us here at Art of the Prank, and good luck.

Dear Fiddler:

Aren”™t people in Australia afraid of falling off the Earth, seeing as they”™re upside down?

Arnold in Ypsilanti

Dear Arnold,

Yes. Worrying about that is why they drink so much beer. Australians are very grateful for gravity. According to a site designed for the education of young minds, gravity is the glue that holds everyone in place on Earth.

boblarkin1982-200Gravity aside, is it a true fact that Australians are upside down? You probably don”™t think often about the meaninglessness of up and down in space terms. In space, which, surprise, is where Earth hangs out, those concepts have no meaning, nothing is up or down.

So, where are things in space? Who knows, maybe “over there“?

Well, all you have to do is look at a globe, it”™s plain as the nose on your face. People in Australia are upside down in relation to people in, say, New York City. If the Earth is a sphere, obviously Australians falling off would fall down, right?

But that has to be a mistake because to an Australian, up isn”™t down, the stars aren”™t down, they”™re up. So news reports of Australians falling off the Earth — based on observation of reliable witnesses — would have to say they fell up. To an Australian, as to intelligent people everywhere, there”™s nowhere to go but up.

Continue reading “Ask The Fiddler #15: Which Way Is Up?”

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The Fiddle File #6

fiddler-75Editor’s Note: Ask The Fiddler is a lifestyle advice column that aims to remedy more chaos and confusion than it creates. Questions may be submitted to us here at Art of the Prank, and good luck.

The Fiddle File #6

Here we go with another madcap roundup of hoaxes, scams and damn fool idiocy making the rounds these days. Take heed. Some of these fiddles may soon be showing up on your computer, phone or even up close and personal. Check it out:

Worldwide: Looking for love in Thailand? Hopefully you don”™t use the same password elsewhere.

U.S./U.K.: If your Windows system has been hit by CryptoLocker you probably aren”™t reading this. Otherwise, extreme caution is vital, this ransomware is very effective (Via Graham Cluly”™s Security Newsletter).

Vancouver: The attack-passerby-with-a-fake-axe trick gets you a nice pair of police-issue bracelets to wear all the way to jail.

Colorado: Stick a toy pistol in a cop”™s face. Luckily he doesn”™t react as some might, you”™re under arrest rather than under six feet of dirt.

England: “Night climbing“ on the roof of an 11th century world heritage site cathedral may not improve your class standing.

Continue reading “The Fiddle File #6”

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Ask The Fiddler #14: Fiddler: What Really Happened to Billy Joe McAllister?

fiddler-75Editor’s Note: Ask The Fiddler is a lifestyle advice column that aims to remedy more chaos and confusion than it creates. Questions may be submitted to us here at Art of the Prank, and good luck.

Dear Fiddler:

I”™m wondering if Billy Joe McAllister could possibly have survived his leap off the Tallahatchie Bridge?

Fran in Frisco

Dear Fran:

So, what do you figure? He crawled ashore and headed off to start a new life, somewhere far away from Choctaw Ridge? I”™m with you, for a couple of reasons. I”™ll get to that, but I have to say we face formidable opposition.

Gentryguitar-200Based on a heap of chatter on the Internet, most people, probably rightly, take Bobbie Gentry”™s ode as a lament for the dead. One site I was looking at, there was so much gab, I quit reading. But it seemed like the whole gang there believed Billy Joe was a goner.

By the way, in the original lyric Billy is Billie. You”™ll find it spelled wrong in a lot of places that should know better.

Jumping, of course, is a popular way to get dead. Think of Paul Simon”™s “Save the Life of My Child,” or the fate of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda. Think about it, what state — other than the really flat ones — doesn”™t have a Lover”™s Leap, even several, with some tragic tale attached?

Looking back to ancient times, I”™m reminded of that noted vegetarian philosopher Empedocles who believed himself divine. He jumped into a volcano to prove it. He didn”™t reappear in human or divine form, so much for philosophy. Continue reading “Ask The Fiddler #14: Fiddler: What Really Happened to Billy Joe McAllister?”

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The Fiddle File #5

fiddler-75Editor’s Note: Ask The Fiddler is a lifestyle advice column that aims to remedy more chaos and confusion than it creates. Questions may be submitted to us here at Art of the Prank, and good luck.

The Fiddle File #5

Here we go with another madcap roundup of hoaxes, scams and damn fool idiocy making the rounds these days. Take heed. Some of these fiddles may soon be showing up on your computer, phone or even up close and personal. Check it out:

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New Jersey: Superstorm Sandy brought us many tales of heroics but there is a dark side as well, unscrupulous predators using phony charities, inflated pricing and phony promises to scam victims.

Nationwide: Have you been tempted to help billionaire Warren Buffett in his crusade to reform Congress? Sorry, but the popular email solicitation is a hoax.

Everywhere: Do you search your business name regularly? It may have been hijacked for placement of phony supply orders or other nefarious purposes.

Australia: Congratulations, you just won a vacation sweepstakes. Scratch that. You just won a chance to spend 25 years in jail.

Ohio: Sorry about your loss, here”™s a fake bill for funeral flowers to add to it.

California: Spending the rest of your life in a cage hardly seems sufficient payback for ripping off folks who lost homes due to wildfires.

Everywhere: Many of us use PayPal to make electronic payments. Things can go awry.

Australia: But it could happen anywhere. Fake phishing pages planted within genuine web sites. (Similar to Better Business Bureau warning on business names being hijacked).

Global: Swell Internet deals on cars, motorcycles, boats and more, just wire the money to this gang of Roumanian crooks who set up fake sites that look legit.

England: We could fill pages with items on stupid prank 911 calls but here”™s one worth mention. Cops bust the door down in response to a call placed by your cat.

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