Editor’s Note: Ask The Fiddler is a lifestyle advice column that aims to remedy more chaos and confusion than it creates. Questions may be submitted to us here at Art of the Prank, and good luck.



The Fiddle File #10

Here we go with another madcap roundup of hoaxes, scams and damn fool idiocy making the rounds these days. Take heed. Some of these fiddles may soon be showing up on your computer, phone or even up close and personal. Check it out:

Kentucky & Etc: Take it off? You got a gig serving burgers and fries. Now the restaurant manager is ordering you to submit to a strip-search. Here”™s the history of a very bizarre hoax, pulled time and again.

FaceBook: What makes you click? Here are some hoax headlines that have steered the curious into a marketing scam: Huge plane crashes into bridge? – Terrible roller coaster accident! – 99% Can’t Watch More Than 15 Seconds – Half Girl Half Snake! – Terrible accident with pencil! – HUGE pimple explodes – Shark eats living man! – Spider lives under skin!

FaceBook, email: Here”™s another example of the “What makes you click?” hoax. (more…)

Editor’s Note: Ask The Fiddler is a lifestyle advice column that aims to remedy more chaos and confusion than it creates. Questions may be submitted to us here at Art of the Prank, and good luck.



Dear Fiddler,

Media vultures are trying to make a meal of my political career. What should I do?

Chris in New Jersey

Dear Chris,

You are suffering from an attack of opposition research.

Opposition researchers know that human behavior often involves patterns. Meaning, if you did it once, there are probably other instances. So, they are digging.

You are in deep scat. As a former hard-charging anti-corruption prosecuting attorney who won convictions or guilty pleas from 130 public officials, you probably know that.

Opposition research does far more damage than is generally reported, whether it takes the form of anonymous whispers or professionally prepared dossiers. Its dynamics usually only come to light through insider revelations. Why so? Because reporters don”™t want to admit that their earth-shaking stories were the result not of their own brilliance but of spoon-fed, un-sourced tips.

It used to be a shady, hush-hush, backroom activity that few admitted to. But today there are fancy firms devoted to opposition research, three-piece suits strutting down K Street with briefcases full of DUI reports and divorce records. For the amateur, there are handbooks and seminars led by private investigators.

What the diggers are looking for, as you well know, is further examples of dirty tricks.

(more…)

Editor’s Note: Ask The Fiddler is a lifestyle advice column that aims to remedy more chaos and confusion than it creates. Questions may be submitted to us here at Art of the Prank, and good luck.



The Fiddle File #9

Here we go with another madcap roundup of hoaxes, scams and damn fool idiocy making the rounds these days. Take heed. Some of these fiddles may soon be showing up on your computer, phone or even up close and personal. Check it out:

Everywhere: Got what it takes to be a supermodel? There are plenty of sharks out there to assure you of that, all you need is some up front money. Article is from a Canadian perspective but the advice is universal.

Cleveland: The nice stranger will give you half the proceeds if you let him cash a check using your debit card. Sounds like an easy way to pocket some loot. And it is, for the scammer.

Staten Island: Ah, for a good night”™s rest. WTF, the bed”™s on fire. And your “prankster” roomy is facing a handful of charges.

Baltimore: Looking to make a few extra bucks? Become a hoaxer bounty hunter. Coast Guard offers $2000 for the right info on this trouble-maker.

FaceBook: What are friends for? Overseas con artists think they”™re for exploiting through impostor accounts set up using your info.

(more…)

Editor’s Note: Ask The Fiddler is a lifestyle advice column that aims to remedy more chaos and confusion than it creates. Questions may be submitted to us here at Art of the Prank, and good luck.



Dear Fiddler,

Why are there no plums in plum pudding?

Jack in Muncie

Dear Jack,

First of all, Jack, let”™s address an underlying issue. You”™re expecting someone else to put plums in your pudding. Whoa up! This is America. If you want plums in your pudding, by golly, roll up your shirtsleeves and stuff away. Self-reliance, that”™s the spirit!

But the problem you address goes a bit deeper than plums. By modern standards, there isn”™t even any pudding in plum pudding! What I mean is, that pasty stuff you buy in the store that”™s labeled pudding.

True old-timey plum pudding is more like sausage.

The earliest consisted of minced beef or another dried meat, or fish, dried fruit, suet, sugar and oats. All that got stuffed into a pig intestine, as with haggis.

They say it”™s best not to ask how sausage is made and that probably goes for vintage pudding as well, but, for the curious, here”™s a site offering a very serious history of pudding.

Many sites and publications claim, as you say, that there are no plums in plum pudding. But, don”™t believe everything you read. I found several respectable recipes calling for plums. I”™ll mention a few in due course.

First, some history. Those olden plum puddings had interesting names, according food writer Maggie Black. She mentions white porray, joutes, charlet, cawdel fery, bukkenade, mortrews or mawmeny and the gold-and-white ‘blanc desore’. Try any of that at your local drive-through.

(more…)

Editor’s Note: Ask The Fiddler is a lifestyle advice column that aims to remedy more chaos and confusion than it creates. Questions may be submitted to us here at Art of the Prank, and good luck.



The Fiddle File #8

Here we go with another madcap roundup of hoaxes, scams and damn fool idiocy making the rounds these days. Take heed. Some of these fiddles may soon be showing up on your computer, phone or even up close and personal. Check it out:

Los Angeles: Poor dear, is an evil curse keeping you from finding true love? No problem, for something just short of a million bucks this psychic will fix you right up. Think so?

Your Computer: The email says your package is on its way. But you didn”™t order any package. Well, better check. Nope, better not, unless you want to be phished for personal and banking info.

Atlanta: Whew, sure glad Home Depot has public restrooms. Whoa, sure hate that some jerk decorated the seats with glue.

Your Computer: You”™re active in online communities like Facebook, MySpace, Flickr and LinkedIn. Yum, scammers love you.

Everywhere: A good selection here, “The Twelve Scams of Christmas,” nefarious activities by scammers which you may encounter this season.

(more…)

Editor’s Note: Ask The Fiddler is a lifestyle advice column that aims to remedy more chaos and confusion than it creates. Questions may be submitted to us here at Art of the Prank, and good luck.



Dear Fiddler,

I”™ve seen several accounts of pranks that misfired. Isn”™t pranking kind of a dangerous game?

Arlene in Cincinnati

Dear Arlene,

Pranking can be a theatric art form, raising awareness about an important issue or exposing a cultural flaw. But the epidemic taking place today, from the celebrity suite to the punk on the street, is rarely more than a subtle form of bullying. So-called pranks are often harmful, humiliating and sometimes deadly – for the prankster or the victim.

You would probably agree that death qualifies as a danger. Here are a few reports of death by pranking.

Editor’s Note: Ask The Fiddler is a lifestyle advice column that aims to remedy more chaos and confusion than it creates. Questions may be submitted to us here at Art of the Prank, and good luck.



Dear Fiddler:

Given the terrors of today”™s environment, I get the jitters in airports, schools, shopping malls, and on city streets. I would like to know how to become invisible.

Phil in Ashville

Dear Phil,

You and what army.

As you probably guessed, the U.S. Army.

But they haven”™t quite got it down yet. The current state of the art is theoretical and mainly involves camouflaging troops and weapons to avoid electronic detection.

So it looks you”™re gonna have to go with hoodoo and voodoo. A search should reveal a fair number of sites making promises that they likely can”™t keep. Spells and incantations, that sort of thing.

One vendor assures you there”™s no “mumbo jumbo or hocus pocus” to the method offered (at a price), you won”™t get stuck in some other dimension or astral plane. While the seller eschews “reprehensible behavior” on the part of those who become invisible, an illustration shows an invisible man lifting a woman”™s skirt.

I wouldn”™t worry too much about getting stuck in some other dimension. (more…)

Editor’s Note: Ask The Fiddler is a lifestyle advice column that aims to remedy more chaos and confusion than it creates. Questions may be submitted to us here at Art of the Prank, and good luck.



The Fiddle File #7

Here we go with another madcap roundup of hoaxes, scams and damn fool idiocy making the rounds these days. Take heed. Some of these fiddles may soon be showing up on your computer, phone or even up close and personal. Check it out:

Washington State: I read the news today, oh boy. Fake article posted about son”™s alleged suicide.

China: Do these eggs taste kind of funny to you? I mean, not funny ha-ha, funny yuck.

Vancouver BC: The on-line date you haven”™t met yet has hit you up for $500,000 in loans. Talk about screwed without a kiss.

Washington DC: Sorry to hear you slipped on a banana peel. By the way, that”™s a felony.

Watch the video

Louisiana: You jokingly yell to your sleeping friend that the car is on fire and about to explode. His panic reaction leads to a near-death experience.

(more…)

Editor’s Note: Ask The Fiddler is a lifestyle advice column that aims to remedy more chaos and confusion than it creates. Questions may be submitted to us here at Art of the Prank, and good luck.



The Fiddle File #4

Here we go with another madcap roundup of hoaxes, scams and damn fool idiocy making the rounds these days. Take heed. Some of these fiddles may soon be showing up on your computer, phone or even up close and personal. Check it out:

Beverly Hills: Great idea, bust in on your buddy pretending to be armed robbers. A real hoot, until your buddy starts breaking noses.

Everywhere: Congratulations, you”™ve won tons of money in an automated FaceBook lottery. Whoops, sorry — no money just lots of bad stuff loaded on your computer.

St. Louis: Here”™s an airline ticket, please fly to St. Louis and I”™ll give you $19,000 for that ring you advertised on CraigsList. You really don”™t believe this story has a happy ending?

(more…)

Editor’s Note: Ask The Fiddler is a lifestyle advice column that aims to remedy more chaos and confusion than it creates. Questions may be submitted to us here at Art of the Prank, and good luck.



Dear Fiddler:

A friend has purchased a painting he claims was done by a dog. It”™s nothing great, but still “¦ I think he was scammed. Or am I barking up the wrong tree?

Walt in Albuquerque

Dear Walt,

A dog that paints pictures? Come on. It takes forever to get a mutt to sit, or quit chewing pillows, or keep its nose out of interesting roadside crap. Who could possibly believe dogs have artistic capabilities?

But then again. Look at it from the dog”™s point of view. Would Leonardo do a chapel ceiling for a biscuit? Do you think Picasso would even pick up a brush knowing his masterpiece would earn nothing more than a chewy stick? Forget it. No smart dog is going to all that trouble for a cheap treat.

Well, a few, maybe.

Believe it or not, some dogs turn out paintings that sell for big bucks, a thousand and more. There is even a kit for owners who want to see if Jack Russell is the next Jackson Pollock. In several cases I noticed, profits go to support worthy causes. (more…)

Editor’s Note: Ask The Fiddler is a lifestyle advice column that aims to remedy more chaos and confusion than it creates. Questions may be submitted to us here at Art of the Prank, and good luck.



Dear Fiddler:

Do you hear a strange humming sound?

Charlie in Cincinnati

Dear Charlie:

Sure. My sources tell me it emanates from a secret enclave of chanting mystics hidden deep in the Himalayas.

But then, you could reasonably be a little suspicious of the sources of a guy who hangs out with the Art of the Prank crowd.

Well, there are plenty of other theories about the weird hum heard in many locations throughout the world. It has been blamed on everything from industrial or traffic noise to seismic disturbances.

As you might imagine, conspiracy theories abound. It”™s space alien communication or government mind control experiments.

Any other ideas? (more…)

Editor’s Note: Ask The Fiddler is a lifestyle advice column that aims to remedy more chaos and confusion than it creates. Questions may be submitted to us here at Art of the Prank, and good luck.



The Fiddle File

Here”™s our latest survey of activity in the scamming industry, a thriving segment of the economy in these troubled times:

South Dakota: The computer security expert on the phone needs remote access to fix your computer. This one also reported from several other states.

Missouri: Victims of a tragedy need your donation.

California: You”™ve placed an illegal order on-line. Send in your fine or face jail.

Illinois: In order to complete delivery, click here (a program then sucks up personal info from your computer)

Vermont: Your debit card is locked, give us needed info to have it released.

New York: We have your son and he will die if you don”™t pay up now.

Georgia: Hey, you”™ve got a flat (courtesy of the Good Samaritan who says he”™ll fix it for you)

Everywhere: Pick up a few extra bucks and help your local pharmacist scam Medicaid

Remember our motto here at camp: “If you take advice from The Fiddler, you need advice.” Send comments and questions to: Art of the Prank.

image: excerpt of The Scream by Edvard Munch

The Fiddler is a creation of W.J. Elvin III

Editor’s Note: Ask The Fiddler is a lifestyle advice column that aims to remedy more chaos and confusion than it creates. Questions may be submitted to us here at Art of the Prank, and good luck.



Dear Fiddler:

I have been away from home for a few months and I think it would be a real hoot to ship myself back in a crate marked “lawn furniture.” Will that be expensive?

Ronda in California

Dear Ronda,

It depends on the judge, or, worst case, on whether you plan a luxury funeral. You”™re talking criminal charges or possibly death. Consider the case of Charles McKinley. He shipped himself from New Jersey to Texas and was detected at his destination, resulting in a year”™s probation plus a $1500 fine.

Experts say a prank like this one could kill you. Due to rough handling and several other factors, there is some likelihood of arriving dead.

On the other hand, there was a case a few years later where a prisoner in a German jail successfully shipped himself outside the walls and, as of the report we found, escaped. But his was a very short trip, he apparently had pals waiting outside.

One thing for sure, unless you are a tiny person you will have to use a private shipper. The USPS limits weight to 70 lbs. Costs depend on distance. I hate to be a spoil sport but, since the project is illegal and dangerous, it might be wise just to panhandle some bucks for a bus ticket.

Yours truly,

The Fiddler

Remember our motto here at camp: “If you take advice from The Fiddler, you need advice.” Send comments and questions to: Art of the Prank.

image: news.bbc.co.uk

The Fiddler is a creation of W.J. Elvin III

Editor’s Note: Ask The Fiddler is a lifestyle advice column that aims to remedy more chaos and confusion than it creates. Questions may be submitted to us here at Art of the Prank, and good luck.



Dear Fiddler:

Can we expect to see another space alien in the White House as a result of the forthcoming presidential election?

Randy in Utah.

Dear Randy:

Your question suggests a belief that there has already been a genuine space alien occupant and of course a study of the speech patterns and manners of the younger Bush supports that thesis.

There is also photographic evidence of endorsement of both younger Bush and Bill Clinton by visitors from “out there.”

In the campaign for the last GOP nomination, Mitt Romney referred to Newt Gingrich as “Newt Skywalker,” perhaps he knew something. But Newt is not likely to try again.

My bet at the moment would be Hillary Clinton. She says that early in life she wanted to travel in space. That might be it, a serious clue. The lady is homesick. She says that at a tender age she wrote to NASA asking the qualifications for astronaut. At the time, she was told, “No women allowed.”

Well, let them try to stop her once she”™s president.

As things stand, the field is still open, we”™ll keep you posted.

Yours truly,

The Fiddler

Remember our motto here at camp: “If you take advice from The Fiddler, you need advice.” Send comments and questions to: Art of the Prank.

image: astro.wsu.edu

The Fiddler is a creation of W.J. Elvin III