April Fools’ Day Leftovers

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Filed under: Satire

Products you wish were real from ThinkGeek.com:

p-teq-200.jpgThe USB Pregnancy Test

Carbon-Based Lifeforms Detected

One line or two. Yes or no. Pregnancy tests are binary by their very nature. So when we found p-Teq’s USB Pregnancy Test Kit that’s chock full of extra scientific information, we knew we had to get this geeky goodness to our potentially spawning fans.

The process starts off like most pregnancy tests. You pee on a stick, specifically the absorbent test strip at one end. But everything’s different after that first step. Remove the cap from the other end of the stick (cleverly provided to keep you from accidentally contaminating the wrong end) to reveal the USB connector. Pop it in your computer. The power from your USB port starts the electrospray ionization process, creating a spectrograph of the various masses for your analysis. Get it? Your analysis? Urinalysis? *rimshot* Moving on. (Click headline to read more)

personal_soundtrack_shirt-200.jpgPersonal Soundtrack T-Shirt

Background Music for YOUR Life

Does your life seem dull and uninteresting compared to the drama and action of movies and television? Here at ThinkGeek Labsâ„¢ we’ve examined this phenomenon carefully. With the bevy of reality TV shows and humdrum movies we quickly decided that what people do in real life is NOT significantly less exciting than what fictional characters on the screen experience… but for some reason, real life just SEEMS much more boring. However, after days of extensive highly-scientific double blind testing we were able to discover the difference… Background Music! Your real life experiences just don’t have the needed dramatic soundtrack to back them up. Whether you’re brushing your teeth, walking your dog or chatting up that cute girl in chemistry class you need the appropriate music and sound effects to enhance the experience. Fortunately we’ve developed the solution for this irritating life boredom problem with the Personal Soundtrack T-Shirt. (Click headline to read more)

zapcam-200.jpgZapCam – YouTube Tazer

In Safety and Comedy We Trust

Let’s face it – the world is not a safe place. But following the lead of Batman, a geek’s best defense is often a gadget. And in this case, it’s a gadget with one heck of a bite. The ZapCam – YouTube Tazer packs a non-lethal 60,000V bite, to be exact. It shoots its barbed tipped darts out up to 15 feet on insulated wires (so only your attacker gets the juice). And for added safety, the integrated camera (activated the moment you disengage the safety mechanism) will record a full color video of the entire incident and upload it (via Bluetooth 2.0 with your cellphone) straight to YouTube. This insures you have video evidence (with a time/date stamp) of your encounter stored in a secondary location which can be used in court.

Ok, who are we kidding. Yes, you get the safety of 60,000V, and yes, you get the peace of mind that you will have enough evidence to prove you acted in self defense (even if the attacker somehow manages to get the ZapCam away from you). But what you also get is one funny YouTube video of a perpetrator being juiced and writhing on the ground. The comedic value of that is priceless. With the LCD display on the ZapCam itself, you can watch the video of Mr. Mugger twitching over and over and over again. And the world can share in your joy (and your attacker’s pain) as they laugh and leave comments on your YouTube video such as: “Shockingly funny video” and “Why isn’t he getting up?” and “Yur stupd an I cant tipe.” (Click headline to read more)

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