Disease Mongering Engine

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Filed under: Satire

From Mike Adams at NewsTarget.com:

Why let the drug companies have all the fun? You can invent diseases, too! Click the “Generate” button to create your very own disease, disorder or syndrome.

Cartoon by Mike Adams of www.NewsTarget.com

Disease Options include:

Delusional Maladaptive Phobia Disorder (DMPD), defined as unreal thoughts, visions or voices in conjunction with the aberrant inability to adjust to normal responses or behaviors during fearful episodes.

Medication-Induced Premature Hyperactivity Syndrome With Flatulence (MPHSWF), which involves drug-induced toxic side effects impacting physiology and neurology whose main phenomenological feature is an unplanned, temporally-distorted physiological response exaggerated by erratic, highly energetic speech or behavior, interrupted by intermittent explosions of methane gas from the anus.

Paranoid Visual Motivation Dysfunction With Speaking In Tongues (PVMDWSIT). A disorder usually associated with extreme fear of persecution whose main phenomenological feature is the imagined perception of lights, patterns or objects in the visual cortex while losing the will to do anything meaningful, complicated by an uncontrollable urge to rapidly speak at loud volumes in unknown languages.

Like that one? Take the following steps to get filthy rich!

  • Patent a dangerous chemical as a “treatment” for PVMDWSIT.
  • Invent fictitious trial results that prove the drug is effective in treating PVMDWSIT.
  • Bribe FDA officials into approving the drug as safe for everyone! (Even if it kills people.)
  • Submit to the American Psychiatric Association for inclusion in their DSM-IV (the standard reference guide of psychiatric disorders).
  • Create an emotional TV ad that shows unhappy, confused people being transformed into perfect beings after they take your drug.
  • Issue press releases to mainstream media outlets who will run your propaganda as news with zero skepticism.
  • Bribe doctors with vacations, extravagant meals and “consulting fees” in order to get them to prescribe your drug to as many patients as possible.
  • Buy off politicians and legislators to block alternative medicine and enforce a pharmaceutical monopoly.
  • Sit back and rake in the dough** while Americans go broke buying your drug to treat PVMDWSIT!
  • When the lawsuits roll in from the families of dead patients, simply use a small portion of your windfall profits to settle out of court, admitting no guilt.
  • Cartoon by Mike Adams of NewsTarget.com

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