The 24th Annual April Fools’ Day Parade

Filed under: Satire

From Joey Skaggs:

The New York April Fools’ Committee Is Proud to Announce:


“Take the Money and Run!”

New York April Fools' Day Parade Jester

New York, New York, March 30, 2009 — The 24th Annual April Fools’ Day Parade will begin at Fifth Avenue and 59th Street at 12 noon, Wednesday, April 1st, 2009. Rain or shine, the parade will march down to 23rd Street, where it will continue down Broadway to Union Square Park for post-parade festivities. For several blocks, the parade route will require a mad dash through a gauntlet of teetering construction cranes.

The theme for this year’s parade is “Take the Money and Run.” Led by Grand Marshall Bernard Madoff, the parade will kick off with the SEC Marching Band playing the Beatles’ hit song “Money.” Spectators are requested to participate by photo-copying hundred dollar bills and tossing them out windows or from roof-tops at the passing parade instead of confetti.

This year’s floats will be led by a U.S. Treasury Printing Press float spewing out money to the crowd. Following close behind will be a slew of New York’s financial titans, including Wall Street executives, bank managers, mortgage brokers, hedgefund directors, and insurance CEOs singing our theme song: “Gimme money, that’s what I want. That’s what I want . . . ” Following will be the Jersey City Balcony float hosting Councilman Steve Lipski mechanically rigged with a water pump so he can pee a constant stream on the crowd. His special guest will be Joe the Plumber sitting on a toilet and posing as Rodin’s “The Thinker.” Next will be an “I’m Not a Racist” float featuring Amy Winehouse, Sharon Stone, Reverend Jessie Jackson, North Carolina Representative Robin Hayes, and Minnesota Republican Michele Bachmann-all rescinding their faux pas. Alaska Senator Ted Stevens’ Home Improvement float is apparently still under construction, because his contractors owe him money.

Marching celebrity fool look-alikes will include Chief Justice John Roberts repeating the Oath of Office; Secretary of Treasury Timothy Geithner claiming, “I paid my taxes”; Tom Daschle exclaiming, “I paid my taxes too”; Senator John McCain proclaiming, “My friends”; Reverend Conrad asserting, “Our God is bigger than their God”; and Senator John Edwards muttering, “It’s not my kid.”

Color commentary will be provided by Barbara Walters. To keep things scintillating, Walters will reveal more details of her extra-marital affairs.

As the parade ends in Union Square, the party begins, featuring live music, food, concessions & entertainment. Peanut butter snacks will be available free to all, courtesy of the Peanut Corporation of America and the FDA. The Retreat/Spa booth will be hosted by AIG executives; a Pay-to-Play booth will be manned by Governors Rod Blagojevich and Bill Richardson as well as NBA Referee Tim Donaghy; and there will be a photo-op booth featuring a bong-smoking Michael Phelps.There will also be scores of copy-cat conceptual artists with their own versions of Throw-Shoes-at-Bush booths; a Sarah Palin look-alike fashion show; and a screening of Trisha Walsh Smith’s video trashing her husband Philip Smith.

The New York April Fools’ Day Parade was created in 1986 to remedy a glaring omission in the long list of New York’s annual ethnic and holiday parades. These events fail to recognize the importance of April 1st, the day designated to commemorate the perennial folly of mankind. In an attempt to bridge this gap and bring people back in touch with their inherent foolishness, the parade annually crowns a King of Fools from parading look-alikes.

The public is encouraged to participate, in or out of costume, with or without floats, and may join the procession at any point along the parade route. Floats can be no wider than 10 feet and no longer than 25 feet. They can be self-propelled, towed, pushed or pulled. Customized bicycles, tricycles, baby carriages and aerial balloons are welcome. All participants are costumed look-alikes, and the Parade Committee assumes no liability for damages caused by satire. Parade floats and marchers must be at 59th Street and Fifth Avenue no later than 11:30 a.m.

We are grateful to the New York State Council on the Arts, National Endowment for the Arts, Mayor Michael Bloomberg, and the Troubled Assets Relief Program for their support of this year’s parade. The King or Queen of Fools will be chosen based on the loudest cheers in Union Square. The winner will reign through March 31, 2010.