High-Minded Holiday Gifts: Tattoo Sleeves

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Filed under: Satire

Tattoo Sleeves, from Dave Barry’s Holiday Gift Guide, Miami Herald:

Tattoo Sleeves

Not long ago, people with tattoos were considered to be low-class sleazeballs. But today, millions of Americans have tattoos. What does this tell us? It tells us that millions of Americans are low-class sleazeballs.

Just kidding! It tells us that tattoos are now considered ”body art” and have become fashionable with people from all walks of life.

Fact: All nine U.S. Supreme Court justices have the Bill of Rights tattooed on their buttocks.

Perhaps you’d like to get a tattoo, but you’ve been holding back for some reason, such as that you’re not drunk. Or you’re worried that when you get old and saggy your tattoo will stretch, so instead of having, say, an arty little butterfly on your shoulder, it will look like you’re being attacked by a giant mutant bat.

That’s why you need Tattoo Sleeves. These are sleeves that make you look as though you have tattoos all over your arms. Think of the pranks you can play! Like, say you’re a non-tattooed college student with strict parents. Imagine how they’ll react when you take off your jacket and they see your tattoo sleeves. They’ll react by having coronary failure. So make sure your tuition is paid in advance.

Tattoo sleeves fit everyone. They cannot, however, be removed. (Ha ha!)

$11.88 per pair, plus shipping and handling. Suggested by Stephanie Pluess of London, U.K.

Thanks Steff