Paris figures a way out

Filed under: Satire

Exclusive for! Paris Hilton’s Prison Diary!
Day 12 & 13

Dear Diary,

paris_hilton-glasses2002.jpgDay 12
Libby is going to jail too! I don”™t feel so alone. I guess if you are famous jail is the new black. Scooter isn”™t really “famous famous” he”™s just a politician. Seems like a lot of them are going to the slammer these days. Oh well. At least he won”™t have that BDB for a guard like me. And it”™s really really unfair that I have to serve more time than the regular criminals! There is like a jihad against celebrity in this world I swear. So not fair. Like Princess Diana was killed for pissing off the Queen by dating that guy who like, owned Harrods?! and Barbaro was killed cos he was really really fast. OMG I fear for my life! I swear I sit in the corner of my room waiting for the next brick to fall but I can”™t do anything about it cos they won”™t even let me have a nail file. As you can see I”™m pretty depressed right now, and they had the nerve to move me back into the normal jail. It”™s so not fair! My feet are so gross and they won”™t let me get a pedicure! I can”™t take it anymore! Mommy!

Day 13
Yeah it”™s visiting day! I look forward to Saturday like more than anything I”™ve ever looked forward to in my whole life, even my trips to the spa. Which if I stop to think about it a day at the spa really means a day in the mud. Why are all beauty treatments so gross? It”™s so cute, fans are making these Paris cupcakes with a popsickle stick made into a file stuck in side. Is that darling or what? Sooo Elliot, even though I”™m mad at him for everything right now and want to scratch his eyes out. Mom and Dad said I”™m doing great and that I”™ll get out early for good behavior.