Filed under: Satire
From Joey Skaggs:
“Up, Up and Away!”
The 25th Annual April Fools’ Day Parade will begin at Fifth Avenue and 59th Street at 12 noon, Thursday, April 1, 2010. Rain or shine, the parade will march down 5th Avenue to Washington Square Park for the post-parade festivities and selection of the King or Queen of Fools from the costumed marching look-alikes.
The theme for this year’s parade is “Up, Up and Away.” Led by Grand Marshall Ben Bernanke, the parade will kick off with the Where’s-the-Money Marching Band playing this year’s theme song by the Fifth Dimension “Up, Up and Away in My Beautiful Balloon.” Color commentary will be provided by Sarah Palin for her new Fox TV show “We Make It Up, You Believe It.” Thanks to a contribution by a secret donor in honor of the parade’s 25th anniversary, 10,000 red, white and blue helium balloons, each with a crisp one-dollar bill attached, will be released along the parade route.
The floats this year will be led by Richard and Mayumi Heene with their Homemade Helium Flying Saucer Float. Next will be the Northwest Airlines Flight 188 “Siesta” Cockpit Float with pilot Timothy B. Cheney and first officer Richard I. Cole napping. Then a North Korea Missile Launch Float will launch H2O bombs into the crowd. The OK Corral Float will follow featuring Washington Wizards basketball stars Gilbert Arena and Javaris Crittenton with their guns a’blazing. Although we don’t know what will be going on inside, Washington’s “C” Street House Float will come next. Then comes the Late Night TV Roman Chariot Race with Jay Leno, Conan O’Brien and David Letterman pulled by network execs instead of horses as they battle for position.
The marching celebrity look-alikes will include Michael Jackson’s dermatologist Dr. Arnold Klein shouting “Who wants my sperm?” followed by South Carolina Republican Representative Joe Wilson proclaiming “You lie!”, Ex-CNN Commentator Lou Dobbs demanding “Where’s Obama’s birth certificate?” and Charlie Sheen threatening “I’m gonna kill you!”. Tiger Woods will be swinging a golf club yelling “Fore…Play” while Glenn Beck declares “Obama is a rascist!” Joan Rivers will take up the rear screaming at anyone who will listen “How dare they! Don’t they know who I am?”
As the parade ends at Washington Square Park, the party begins, featuring live music, food, concessions & entertainment. There will be an Interracial Marriage Chapel officiated by Louisiana Judge Keith Bardwell; a Gay Marriage Counseling Booth manned by Miss California, Carrie Prejean; a Marriage Counseling Booth manned by South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford; and a David Carradine Enhanced Sexual Techniques Booth. The U.S. Secret Service will stand guard by a Meet-the-President Booth where President Obama will dispense “change pills” for change you can swallow. White House Gate Crashers Michele and Tareq Salahi were not invited but are expected to show up anyway. There will also be a Concealed Bomb Fashion Show featuring underwear bomber Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab; a Free Toys-for-Tots Giveaway of Cadmium-Enriched Toys, sponsored by the Chinese Manufacturers Association; and, in the FDA’s effort to dispose of excess vaccines, a Free Swine Flu Vaccine Booth. Jerry Springer will conduct a Town Hall Meeting on Health Care Reform funded by multimillionaire ex-hospital CEO Rick Scott, whose company was charged with the largest case of financial fraud in U.S. history.
The New York April Fools’ Day Parade was created in 1986 to remedy a glaring omission in the long list of New York’s annual ethnic and holiday parades. These events fail to recognize the importance of April 1st, the day designated to commemorate the perennial folly of mankind. In an attempt to bridge this gap and bring people back in touch with their inherent foolishness, the parade annually crowns a King of Fools from parading look-alikes.
The public is encouraged to participate, in or out of costume, with or without floats, and may join the procession at any point along the parade route. Floats can be no wider than 10’ and no longer than 25’. They can be self-propelled, towed, pushed or pulled. Customized bicycles, tricycles, baby carriages and aerial balloons are welcome. All participants are costumed look-alikes, and the Parade Committee assumes no liability for damages caused by satire. Parade floats and marchers must be at 59th Street and Fifth Ave no later than 11:30 a.m.
We are grateful to the New York State Council on the Arts, National Endowment for the Arts and Mayor Michael Bloomberg for their support of this year’s parade. Also, in honor of this parade’s 25th anniversary, we humbly thank the thousands of talented artists and craftsmen who have contributed to the parade’s success over the years. The King or Queen of Fools will be chosen based on the loudest cheers at Washington Square Park. The winner will reign through March 31, 2011.
Joey Skaggs, Committee Chair, 212-254-7878