Announcing: New York City’s 23rd Annual April Fools’ Day Parade

by
Filed under: Prank News, Satire

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

The New York April Fools’ Committee Is Proud to Announce:

jester.jpgThe 23rd Annual April Fools’ Day Parade will march down Fifth Avenue from 59th Street beginning at 12 noon, Tuesday, April 1st, 2008. The parade route has changed temporarily due to construction in Washington Square Park. This year the parade will detour east across Fourteenth Street to Union Square where the post-parade festivities will begin.

The New York April Fools’ Day Parade was created in 1986 to remedy a glaring omission in the long list of New York’s annual ethnic and holiday parades. These events fail to recognize the importance of April 1st, the day designated to commemorate the perennial folly of mankind. In an attempt to bridge that gap and bring people back in touch with their inherent foolishness, the parade annually crowns a King of Fools from parading look-alikes.

The parade will be led by President George Bush and his entire cabinet. They will be given a 60-second lead and then pursued by an outraged lynch mob. This will be followed by a Macy’s Day Parade-size helium balloon of a B52 Bomber Equipped with Nuclear Missiles flying overhead as the April Fools’ Day Parade Marching Band plays Woody Guthrie’s “So Long, It’s Been Good to Know You.” The Parade’s Grand Marshall will be Ralph Nader, appropriately dressed as The Jester.

The public is encouraged to participate, in or out of costume, with or without floats, and may join the procession at any point along the parade route. Floats can be no wider than 10 feet and no longer than 25 feet. They can be self-propelled, towed, pushed or pulled. Customized bicycles, tricycles, baby carriages and aerial balloons are welcome. The Parade Committee assumes no liability for damages caused by satire. All participants are costumed look-alikes. Parade floats and marchers must be at 59th Street and Fifth Avenue no later than 11:30 a.m.

This year’s floats will be led Mardi Gras-style by Angelo Mozilo, CEO of Countrywide Financial, and instead of beads his Loan Shark Cronies will toss out loans you can’t refuse to the crowd; Michael Vick will be taking bets on his Dog Fight Float with caged, snarling pit bulls; a Chinese Dry-Cleaning Float will feature Roy Pearson screaming, “Where are my pants? I’m going to sue!”; an Archeological Dig Float designed by James Cameron will feature Jesus and Mary’s Bones; a Tourette’s Syndrome Float will feature radio personality Don Imus, political pundit Ann Coulter, the Reverend Louis Farrakhan, radio talk show host Bill Cunningham, and Dog the Bounty Hunter—all shouting obscenities at the crowd; and a Mayflower Hotel Suite Float featuring New York Governor Eliot “Dickhead” Spitzer surrounded by hookers while promising “I will work hard to win back your trust”.

Marching celebrity fool look-alikes will include Senator Larry Craig insisting, “I’m not gay!”; Hogwarts Headmaster Albus Dumbledore insisting, “I am gay”; Cheney Aide Scooter Libby pleading “Pardon me, pardon me!”; disruptive political protestor Andrew Meyer surrounded by cops screaming, “Don’t tase me, bro”; ex-Attorney General Alberto Gonzales asserting, “To the best of my recollection, I don’t remember anything”; baseball great Roger Clemens protesting, “I never used steroids!”; ex-cop Drew Peterson calling for his missing wife to “Come home, just come home”; contagious TB world traveler Andrew Speaker coughing on the crowd; and a dazed Britney Spears looking for the Halloween Parade.

Color commentary will be provided by ex-Philadephia TV newscaster Alicia Lane in a thong bikini. Security this year will be provided by mercenaries courtesy of Blackwater.

As the parade ends in Union Square, the party begins, featuring live music, food, concessions & entertainment. The Chinese Government will be sponsoring a Food and Drug Concession and a Chinese Pet Food Booth. The USDA will be giving away free hamburgers. Attorney General Michael Mukasey and the CIA will provide free demonstrations of Waterboarding. Sex offender Deb LaFave will run a Day Care Center for paraders’ children. And OJ Simpson and his posse will hawk his sports memorabilia to raise money for next year’s parade.

We are grateful to the New York State Council on the Arts, National Endowment for the Arts, Mayor Bloomberg, Governor Eliot Spitzer, and private funders for their support of this year’s parade.

The King or Queen of Fools will be chosen based on the loudest cheers of the crowd at Union Square. The winner will reign through March 31, 2009.

For information: Joey Skaggs, Committee Chair, 212-254-7878
34 East 11th Street, Suite 2A, New York, New York 10003