FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
The New York April Fools’ Committee Is Proud to Announce:
NEW YORK CITY’S 22nd ANNUAL APRIL FOOLS’ DAY PARADE
THE CIRCUS IS COMING! THE CIRCUS IS COMING!
The 22nd Annual April Fools’ Day Parade will march down Fifth Avenue, from 59th Street to Washington Square Park, beginning at 12 noon, Sunday, April 1, 2007.
The New York April Fools’ Day Parade was created in 1986 to remedy a glaring omission in the long list of New York’s annual ethnic and holiday parades. These events fail to recognize the importance of April 1st, the day designated to commemorate the perennial folly of mankind. In an attempt to bridge that gap and bring people back in touch with their inherent foolishness, the parade annually crowns a King of Fools from parading look-alikes.
The parade will be led by Willie Nelson’s tour bus with all the windows open to provide a free contact high to get revelers in the mood. The Parade Grand Marshall will be ex-Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld dressed in a body bag. Accompanied by the Totally Partisan Clown Band, he will lead the crowd in a sing-along of the theme song “Send in the Clowns” by Stephen Sondheim: “Isn’t it rich? Isn’t it queer? Loosing my timing this late in my career? Where are the clowns? There ought to be clowns. Well, maybe next year.”
The public is encouraged to participate, in or out of costume, with or without floats, and may join the procession at any point along the parade route. Large float entries must be at 59th Street and Fifth Avenue no later than 11:30 a.m.
This year’s parade will include a Still-Looking-for-Jimmy-Hoffa float with federal agents digging up a barnyard on wheels; the King-of-the-Blow-Hards float starring Donald Trump on a self-aggrandizing rant, with a tearful Miss USA Tara Conner polishing his shoes; the Blatant-Hypocrites float featuring ex-Congressman Mark Foley, ex-Pastor Ted Haggard, Boulder, Colorado District Attorney Mary Lacey, and Durham County North Carolina District Attorney Mike Nifong; the Saddam-Hang-Em-High-Execution float featuring Shiite executioners illegally recording and exalting his death; the James-Brown-Gold-Casket float with Tomi Rae Brown and Reverend Al Sharpton rehearsing for an episode of MTV’s “Yo Momma”; the Giant-Election-Ouija-Board float with Democratic and Republican presidential candidates spinning to find out which way to go.
Marching celebrity fool look-alikes will include: Senator John Kerry with his mouth taped shut; Astronaut Lisa Nowak in a NASA diaper; Paul McCartney sawing off Heather Mills’ wooden leg; World Cup star Zinedine Zidane head-butting unsuspecting spectators; John Mark Karr dressed as JonBenet Ramsey; “Sara”, the supposed 29-year-old virgin, looking for Mr. Right, naked except for the bag over her head; Patricia Dunn and other ex-Hewlett Packard executives reciting the Fifth Amendment; Reverend Jerry Falwell calling for the apocalyptic return of Christ; and psychic evangelist Pat Roberson predicting chaos.
Providing color commentary for ABC-TV’s fictional documentary on the parade will be director Mel Gibson, comedian Michael Richards, actor Isaiah Washington and Senator Virgil Goode.
As the parade ends in Washington Square Park, the party begins, featuring live music, food, concessions & entertainment. To kick it off, there will be a 100-yard drug-enhanced sprint between track star Marion Jones on foot and Tour de France winner/loser Floyd Landis on a bicycle. The winner will be rewarded a free ride on Willie Nelson’s bus.
Taco Bell will provide free spinach, green onion & lettuce salads. Booths will include a Bio-Medical Tissue Services booth, which will accept cadaver parts, no questions asked; a Democratic Procreation Booth where George Soros will give $1,000 per parental pledge to raise an offspring as a Democrat, because “the only way to beat ’em is to out-produce ’em”; and an Anna Nicole Smith “Who’s Your Daddy” paternity testing booth. O.J. Simpson will autograph recalled copies of his book, “If I Did It.” And ex-Cincinatti Reds baseball star Pete Rose will autograph his balls. Regrettably, the Boston Red Sox had to withdraw their generous offer to fund the parade this year due to another commitment of $52 million. Instead, funding is provided by the Congressional Felons Retirement Fund.
The King or Queen of Fools will be chosen based on the loudest cheers of the crowd at Washington Square Park. The winner will reign through March 31, 2008.
Joey Skaggs,
April Fools’ Day Parade Committee Chair
© 2007 Joey Skaggs