The perfect product for bankers, politicians & Supreme Court Justices:

And, oh… a note from TOTO – the company making this great product, which is now on a 600 mile tour through Japan:

TOILET BIKE NEO does not have the mechanism to run on the rider’s waste. It runs on biogas fuel (fertilized, purified and compressed livestock waste and household wastewater) provided by Shika-oi Town in Hokkaido and Kobe city.

Therefore, the NEO REST seat does not function as a toilet, and has been created for promoting TOTO’s environmental efforts. TOTO is not involved with any motorbike or biogas production businesses.

Sounds a little defensive, no? (more…)

Onion antics: telling the truth by lying
by Jon Carroll
SF Gate
October 4, 2011

The tweets started with a blast from the Onion about gunfire erupting at the U.S. Capitol building. The Onion follow-ups came thick and fast:

“BREAKING: Witnesses reporting screams and gunfire heard inside Capitol building.”

“BREAKING: Capitol building being evacuated. 12 children being held hostage by a group of armed congressmen.”

The posts linked to an article on the Onion’s website with the headline “Congress Takes Group of Schoolchildren Hostage: ‘We need $12 trillion or these kids die.’” The article also featured an obviously doctored photo of John Boehner holding a gun to a schoolgirl’s head.

The question became, of course: Was this funny? Some people took it seriously, ignoring the Onion screen name. The staffers of the Onion may be serious when they visit the doctor or take their marriage vows, but they are definitely never serious when tweeting as the Onion. Conclusion: No schoolchildren were harmed in the making of those tweets. (more…)

Submitted by Steve Lambert: Alex Melamid was once part of Komar and Melamid – an amazing pair of artists. He has now created:

The Art Healing Ministry:

Watch the NY1 video interview of Melamid here.

Harnessing the Power of Art!

…Alexander Melamid, working with Gary Krimershmoys, has started his Art Healing practice. Art is capable of alleviating and even curing psychological and physiological problems of afflicted individuals. It has become evident that there are many benefits of exposing oneself to Art masterpieces especially for those who strive to keep themselves physically fit with flawless skin and flat stomachs.

In our practice, we use treatments such as van Gogh/Seurat Face Peels, Brancusi Slim-Down Projections, as well as home remedies supplements like Art Charged Water, Art Enhanced Votive Candles, Art Anointed Prayer Cards and last but not least our Targeted Maladies Museum Tours like the Frick Collection Vermeer Radiant Skin Therapy or in extreme cases Faecal Encephalopathy Met Visits.

These procedures and supplements, used in concert, along with healthy eating habits and exercise, are sure to bring amazing results. Your skin will radiate with an ethereal glow and your waist will shrink to the size of a proverbial twig. Guaranteed!

Until June 15th, if you write to us and tell us your problem, we will send you a FREE introductory abridged personalized Art Program of appropriated Art Images and Color Combinations (AIACC) remedy targeting your disorder with razor-sharp accuracy!

Can’t Hack Marriage? Try Quantum Entanglement Instead
By Scott Thill
WIRED
May 11, 2011

In his latest science-themed prank, concept artist Jonathon Keats will marry anyone — or anything — using quantum entanglement as the tie that binds.

“Unlike conventional weddings, which must meet church or state standards for couples to be married, the nuptial entanglement process is totally open, as nondenominational and nonpartisan as the laws of physics,” experimental philosopher Keats told Wired.com in an e-mail interview. “As long as people meet the basic criterion of exposure to entangled light, the procedure can be as simple or complex as they wish.”

Monogamy isn’t mandatory. In fact, spouses need not even be human, said Keats, who will begin his quantum marriage ceremonies Thursday at New York’s Art Currents Institute.

“Many people already have a more intimate relationship with their iPhones than with their spouses, and perhaps this is another way in which nuptial entanglement is honest,” said Keats. “Technology is neutral. From a technical perspective, you can become entangled with your pet or your plant or your iPhone. You can show the ultimate environmental commitment by becoming entangled with the planet.” (more…)

From Variations on Normal:

Finger-nose stylus for touchscreen technology
by Dominic Wilcox

I sometimes use my touchphone in the bath. I know it’s stupid. One problem I encounter is that when put my left hand in the water without thinking, it gets wet and unusable for touchscreen navigation. It is too risky to try to hold and navigate with one hand. I found that I could use my nose to scroll but I couldn’t see where my nose was touching precisely. It was at that point that I came up with this idea of a nose extension ‘finger’ that would allow navigation while my phone is firmly held by one hand.

Watch the Vimeo video here

Obi-Wan Kenobi Is Dead, Vader Says
by Den Dhur and Hallis Saper
The Galactic Empire Times
May 9, 2011

CORUSCANT — Obi-Wan Kenobi, the mastermind of some of the most devastating attacks on the Galactic Empire and the most hunted man in the galaxy, was killed in a firefight with Imperial forces near Alderaan, Darth Vader announced on Sunday.

In a late-night appearance in the East Room of the Imperial Palace, Lord Vader declared that “justice has been done” as he disclosed that agents of the Imperial Army and stormtroopers of the 501st Legion had finally cornered Kenobi, one of the leaders of the Jedi rebellion, who had eluded the Empire for nearly two decades. Imperial officials said Kenobi resisted and was cut down by Lord Vader’s own lightsaber. He was later dumped out of an airlock.

[For maps, video, photos, TimesCast, related stories & opinions, visit the original Galactic Empire Times sidebar.]

(more…)

From Joey Skaggs:

Rain or shine, The 26th Annual April Fools’ Day Parade kicks off from 5th Avenue and 59th Street Friday, April 1 at noon.

Alert: We have so many Charlie Sheen look-alike volunteers that we’ve added a Charlie Sheen look-alike contest in Washington Square Park right after the parade. See you there!

Link to the press release

From Erin:

A number of UK Banks have banded together to express their gratitude to the British people for helping them out in their time of need.

They have commissioned a limited edition commemorative pencil sharpener which will be offered to selected customers in gratitude for the billions of pounds’ profit they got out of us last year. It’s designed to remind us of the friendly and even intimate relationship the banks have built up with the British public.

Submitted by Ed Holmes of saintstupid.com:

The 33rd annual St Stupid’s Day Parade will be held in San Francisco on Friday, April 1st, starting at noon at the Embarcadero Plaza. Following its traditional weekday route, this sidewalk parade will loop thru the Financial District to make the ritual stops at the Stations of Stupid…the Federal Reserve Bank HQ for the ritual of the Dead Lottery Ticket, the Sock Exchange at the Pacific Stock Exchange, the Leap of Faith at the plaza of the holy Lug Nuts, the Penny Toss at the Bankers Heart and the Free Lunch.

Sponsored by the FIRST CHURCH of the LAST LAUGH, this event is open to public participation. Odd costumes, noise makers, satiric signage on the business of religion and the religion of business are encouraged.

From Joey Skaggs:

The 26th Annual April Fools’ Day Parade will begin at Fifth Avenue and 59th Street at 12 noon, Friday, April 1, 2011. Rain or shine, the parade will march down Fifth Avenue to Washington Square Park for the post-parade festivities and selection of the King or Queen of Fools from the costumed marching look-alikes.

The theme for this year’s parade is “If It Wasn’t For Bad Luck I’d Have No Luck At All.” The parade will kick off with a Bob Dylan classic “A Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall” sung by the very vocal WTF! Chorus including General Stanley McChrystal, ex-Republican Party Chairman Michael Steele, actors Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen, Representative Charlie Rangel, and deposed Egyptian President Hosni Mubarek look-alikes. Color commentary will be provided by Governor Mike Huckabee. It may be inaccurate but it will be colorful.

This year’s floats will be lead by Grand Marshall Tony Heyward, whose Lap Pool float filled with crude oil will feature BP, Halliburton and Trans Ocean executives bobbing in the muck. Parade attendees are encouraged to bring stuffed birds, animals and fish to toss into the pool as the float passes. Next will be the corporate-sponsored Supreme Court float featuring justices completely covered with corporate logos waving banners proclaiming “Corporations Are People Too!” They will be followed by the Congressional Marionnette Show float with lobbyists pulling the strings of dancing elected officials. Next is the giant Royal Wedding Cake Piggy Bank driven by Elton John, featuring Prince William and Kate Middleton on top. Uniformed royal guards will be asking for spare change from the crowd to help pay for the wedding. And then there will be the Middle-Class Backyard Russian Spy float equipped with lawn chairs, a barbecue, and an above-ground pool. The beautiful sexy Russian spy Ana Chapman will be handing out hot dogs to the crowd. Next is the State of Arizona float driven by Governor Jan Brewer as a wall is being constructed by illegal Mexican immigrants. This will be followed by a motorized 30-foot miniature of the USS Enterprise commanded by Captain Honor projecting lewd and lascivious videos for the crowd to see. The Pope will make an appearance in his new decked-out Pimpmobile tossing colored condoms Mardi Gras–style to the crowd. Throughout the parade fleeing Arab Dictators and Tyrants will dash along carrying bulging suitcases overstuffed with American dollars. The Topeka Westborough Baptist Church float will bring up the rear protesting everything and damning everyone to Hell. (more…)

The Latest William and Kate Wedding Merchandise: Royal Condoms
by Lauren Drell
AOL Small Business
February 1, 2011

The looming nuptials of Prince William and Kate Middleton have spawned a cottage industry of
commemorative merchandise — everything from tea towels to china sets. But in what may be a royal first, a British company aptly named Crown Jewels has released a three-pack of “condoms of distinction” to honor the Royal Wedding on April 29, 2011.

“Combining the strength of a Prince with the yielding sensitivity of a Princess-to-be, Crown Jewels condoms promise a royal union of pleasure,” the company website says of its “heritage love sheaths,” which retail for £5 ($8 USD). However, the site notes that the condoms — which come in a souvenir box and include a collectible photo of William and Kate — are a “novelty” and not suitable for contraception or protection against STDs.

“Our prophylactics are designed as an heirloom product,” spokesman Hugh Pomfret told metro.co.uk. “We would encourage people to keep hold of them as a memento of a special national occasion.” Crown Jewels’ site also notes that the condoms are not approved by the royal family.

So far, consumers do not seem to mind — more than 1,000 units were purchased in the 24 hours after the condoms went live on the website.

thanks Erin

Submitted by Larry Croft:

Breast milk ice cream goes on sale in Covent Garden
BBC
24 February 2011

The makers say the ice cream is pure, organic and totally natural

A restaurant in London’s Covent Garden is serving a new range of ice cream, made with breast milk.

The dessert, called Baby Gaga, is churned with donations from London mother Victoria Hiley, and served with a rusk and an optional shot of Calpol or Bonjela.

Mrs Hiley, 35, said if adults realised how tasty breast milk was more new mothers would be encouraged to breastfeed.

Each serving of Baby Gaga at Icecreamists costs £14.

Mrs Hiley’s donation was expressed on site and pasteurised before being churned with Madagascan vanilla pods and lemon zest.

Icecreamists founder Matt O’Connor placed an advert appealing for breast milk donations and believes his new recipe will be a success.

“If it’s good enough for our children, it’s good enough for the rest of us,” he said. (more…)

thanks Nick