Filed under: Satire
From Joey Skaggs:
For three decades, New York City’s Annual April Fools’ Day Parade has offered the public an opportunity to express, in a comical way, its outrage against the foolishness of mankind. Thousands of participants in look-alike costumes with satirical floats creatively mock the thoughtless, corrupt and selfish acts of the past year. Kicking off at noon on Sunday, April 1, the parade will march down 5th Avenue from 59th Street to Washington Square Park where revelers will party to demonstrate against new rules that restrict the First Amendment rights of performing artists in the park. It will conclude with the annual crowning of the King of Fools. Spread the word!
The 27th Annual April Fools’ Day Parade will begin at Fifth Avenue and 59th Street at 12 noon, Sunday, April 1, 2012. Rain or shine, the parade will march down Fifth Avenue to Washington Square Park for the climactic selection of the King or Queen of Fools from the costumed marching look-alikes.
The New York April Fools’ Day Parade was created in 1986 to remedy a glaring omission in the long list of New York’s ethnic and holiday parades. These events fail to recognize the importance of April 1st, the day designated to commemorate the folly of mankind. In an attempt to bridge this gap and bring people back in touch with their inherent foolishness, the parade annually crowns a King or Queen of Fools from parading look-alikes. The King of Fools from the 2011 parade was Speaker of the House John Boehner.
“Every year the parade gets bigger and more outrageous. There’s never a shortage of fools,” says Joey Skaggs, parade organizer.
The theme for this year’s parade is “Occupy Washington Square Park” as we are defiantly protesting the Manhattan Parks and Recreation Department’s new policies that have, in essence, militarized the park. Park police are fining musicians and performing artists for soliciting donations near public monuments or park benches, disallowing the creative expression and pursuit of livelihood that has always been the hallmark of this great Greenwich Village landmark. So this year, the April Fools’ Day Parade Committee encourages all citizens who support the quest for truth, transparency and accountability to join us as we defiantly show solidarity in defense of the First Amendment in Washington Square Park.
The parade will kick off with President Obama and His Celebrity Pick-up Band singing the 1955 Tennessee Ernie Ford hit “Sixteen Tons”: “You load sixteen tons, what do you get? Another day older and deeper in debt…”. Floats will be led by Grand Marshall Donald Trump, who has insisted on riding an elephant pulling the GOP Presidential Candidate Reunion float, where candidate look-a-likes Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum, Michele Bachmann, Ron Paul, Rick Perry, Herman Cain, and John Huntsman are playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey. Next will be the European Union Bailout float competing with the U.S. Federal Reserve Bank float to see who can spew more of their currencies at the crowd. Then comes the Super Committee Marching Brigade, with Congressional committee members sweeping up the currency, followed by Senator Mitch McConnell sweeping up the elephant poop. Next is the TEPCO Fukushima Dai-ichi Nuclear Power Plant float chased by Godzilla. Then, the Sinking Costa Concordia float followed by Captain Francesco Schettino in a row boat. Next will be the Air Jordan Sneaker float chased and trampled by zealous shoppers. Kim Kardashian follows with the Kardashian Wedding Procession float, which is only expected to last as long as the parade.
The marching celebrity look-alikes will include M.I.A. and Adele flipping the bird; Rush Limbaugh yelling “You slut!”; Arizona Governor Jan Brewer wagging her finger; Sara Palin citing Paul Revere revisionist history; Florida Family Association leader David Caton protesting anything Muslem; Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour bound to his pardoned prisoners as he sings Sam Cook’s “Chain Gang.” Following the parade down to Washington Square Park will be a brigade of New York City’s Finest led by Officer Anthony Bologna, pepper spraying the crowd.
As the parade enters Washington Square Park, the festivities begin, featuring live music, food, concessions & entertainment. Featured are: Michele and Marcus Bachmann hosting a Reparative Therapy booth for gays; an ATF booth offering untraceable weapons for the Mexican drug cartels; a booth offering Phone-Tapping Apps sponsored by Rupert Murdoch. The child daycare center will be staffed by Fired Teachers from Miramonte Elementary School offering taste-testing games and funny photo ops. There will be free tacos at the Anti-Latino Bias Taco booth served by East Haven Conneticutt Mayor Joseph Maturo, Jr.. There will also be a Cruise Line Industry booth offering deep discounts as well as free samples of antibiotics and pills to stop vomiting and diarrhea, and a Who’s-the-Biggest-Dick Contest, sponsored by Dominique Strauss-Kahn, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Anthony Weiner, Jerry Sandusky and Bernie Fine. For groups in need of support for their platforms, there will be a Rent-an-Agitator booth. Back by popular demand will be the Carney Dunking Tank, this year featuring Commissioner of Parks and Recreation, Adrian Benepe.
The public is encouraged to participate, in or out of costume, with or without floats, and may join the procession at any point along the parade route. Floats can be no wider than 10’ and no longer than 30’. They can be self-propelled, towed, pushed or pulled. Customized bicycles, tricycles, baby carriages and aerial balloons are welcome. All participants are costumed look-alikes, and the Parade Committee assumes no liability for damages caused by satire. Parade floats and marchers must be at 59th Street and Fifth Ave no later than 11:30 a.m.
We are grateful for generous contributions from the Stephen Colbert SuperPAC, the Koch Brothers, Donald Trump, Warren Buffet, and the NY State Council on the Arts. Confetti made of shredded mortgage documents is graciously provided courtesy of Freddie Mac and Fanny Mae.
The King of Fools will be chosen based on the loudest cheers at Washington Square Park. The winner will reign through March 31, 2013, however, this may be the last April Fools’ Day Parade if, as predicted by the Mayan calendar, the world ends on December 21.
For more information contact:
Joey Skaggs, Committee Chair